Nail Clippers

"They may take our things, but they'll never take our FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" when they take away our nail clippers at airport security. (See Cracked.com...it's hilarious)

They take our nail clippers. They take our lotions. They take our water and our liquid eyeliner. They make us share foot fungi. They force us to take off our clothes. They allow us only ONE carry on bag. BUT, they cannot take away our PUPPIES! (Puppies?) Yes, puppies.... And RAZOR SHARP QUILTING NEEDLES! (Wait, they allow those?) Yes.

I go to the absolute back of the plane to get to my seat as I'm flying to Denver and I see this guy nonchalantly sitting in my spot (we're not getting off to a good start). As I come closer and made it obvious that I am sitting where he is sitting -- he makes absolutely no effort to move. Suspicious much? I thought so. It only got worse from there. The plane is taking off and a black mass emerges from his suitcase, which he has had covered until now. A puppy?! OK, not so weird, except that he didn't tell me about it. But, it got weird...pretty fast. He told me to keep it a secret because he "hadn't told" anyone that the dog was on the plane with him. What? You got past security HOW? I'm losing faith in the system.

I jumped from an airport security agnostic to an AS atheist when I saw this: A crotchety old woman with four razor sharp quilting needles. These weren't plastic suckers, oh no. These were stab-you-in-the-artery, poke-your-eyes-out death machines. Just because she's wrinkly she gets an OK to transport weapons of painful, painful death? That sounds like profiling to me.

Airport security is useless, and pretty soon they'll be making us all fly naked.

"Chlamydia Airlines is now boarding, please keep your unmentionables stowed away in your oversized bin." Oversized bin? What are they on about?